I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
