I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
how does that bad decision feel?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
