it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
