And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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