There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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