Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
