My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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