There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize