I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
