so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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