I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
