She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
