sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
