I smell stomach acid.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Randomize
