Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
