If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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