Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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