I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
