Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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