I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
