Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
