The maid of honor just puked.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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