omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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