rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
