he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
