no, he came in my armpit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
