We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
