There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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