Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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