allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
