Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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