Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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