Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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