I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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