just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
