I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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