$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
