dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
