she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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