doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize