i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
