Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
