dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
