I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
