Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
