She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they need to just BURY HIM!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it glows. i had to have it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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