I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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