I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize