we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
