Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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