i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
