The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
