if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
