I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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