I cockslap morals
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she pinky promised me she was 18
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
