Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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