Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
