My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
