so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
