what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
