Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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