my phone needs a breathalizer
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
