Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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