areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
