Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
