im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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