is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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