so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
