my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize