I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
